


Mil Pasos

by izzylawliet



Category: VIXX
Genre: Abuse, Domestic Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 06:30:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14785277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izzylawliet/pseuds/izzylawliet
Summary: A thousand steps away wasn't enough for Hongbin.





	Mil Pasos

**Author's Note:**

> Mil Pasos by Soha
> 
> Italicized parts are flashbacks

Hongbin hadn’t thought that he would ever be put into a situation in which he would need to choose, in which he would have to walk away. He had a bag over his shoulder as he stood in the doorway of his home. His heart hurt unbearably and he just wanted to walk back into the apartment and unpack his bag and pretend that nothing happened, that he hadn’t been about to walk away. But he knew that this was not like last time. If this happened again...he might not have the ability to walk out. 

The dog they shared came up to him, sensing his sadness by the lack of a wag from his nub of a tail and Hongbin wants to kneel down and cry to him, the pup that so religiously stuck by his side. But where he was going did not accept animals and none of his friends could take a dog so large — Wonshik had demanded that they get a doberman even though they had such tendencies that Hongbin didn’t approve of. This dog was a sweetheart, though, even though that was a trait that Wonshik had hated about it. 

“I’m sorry, my love. I have to go.” Hongbin pat the dog’s head before he turned to slip from the apartment and shut the door for the last time. 

_ “You don’t get to leave!”  _

_ Hongbin’s cheek burned and he felt the swelling in his eye already as he lay on the ground, trying desperately to push himself up and get away from the man who was causing him so much pain. This wasn’t the first time and it probably wasn’t the last time that Hongbin would have to endure this. Every inch of his body was in pain and he knew that he should have left sooner, or made to leave when Wonshik wasn’t home, not just when he was sleeping.  _

_ “You fucker.”  _

_ Hongbin gasped out painfully when a kick snapped one of his ribs. He felt and heard it. He was sure that Wonshik would have heard it as well, but that didn’t stop him from grabbing Hongbin by the hair to lift him to his knees.  _

_ “After all that I’ve done for you?!”  _

_ Hongbin’s cheeks were stained with tears and blood, but Wonshik didn’t seem to care as he backhanded him again.  _

_ “You’re so fucking ungrateful. I love you and give to you and take care of you and you want to leave?!”  _

_ The guilt was painful. It drove deep into Hongbin’s gut and twisted with a sharpness that he had never really experienced. He doesn’t know why he couldn’t be grateful of all that Wonshik does to him. He doesn’t know why he’s so difficult. It broke his heart because he knew that Wonshik did so much and so not to be appreciated would surely break his heart.  _

_ “You’re terrible. No one would put up with the shit that I do.”  _

_ He knew that. Hongbin knew that and yet still couldn’t manage to change.  _

Hongbin’s tears didn’t stop even as he was making his way downstairs, each step feeling like a million and the bag that was slung over his shoulder weighed a ton. He couldn’t get over it, he couldn’t handle it and yet he’s feeling unbearably sure that what he was doing was the right thing. He couldn’t stand Wonshik’s abuse any longer. 

This had been a decision long in the making, one that he’d been told over and over again that he had to make if he wanted to come out alive. 

It wasn’t until he was at the train station that he received the first text from Wonshik asking him where he’d gone and why his stuff was missing. Hongbin wished he knew how to answer in any other way but    
**I love you**

_ It had started out innocent enough, or as innocent enough as it could be with Wonshik pinning his body against the wall, Wonshik’s hand around his throat, and Wonshik’s leg wedged in between his. It all served to block him in and to keep him from going anywhere. It was working quite effectively. Hongbin couldn’t shift, he couldn’t move, but, more importantly, he couldn’t  _ **_breathe_ ** _. And even worse, Wonshik didn’t seem to care. In fact, he seemed to revel in it.  _

_ “Wonshik, please.”  _

_ Hongbin would find that that wouldn’t be the only time that night that he would beg.  _

_ “Shut up.”  _

_ A few slaps, light at first. Wonshik’s eyes were dark and hardened and only darkened  _ **_further_ ** _ with each slap that landed across his face. They got harder. They came faster. And Hongbin was crying through them all because he just didn’t  _ **_understand_ ** _. Why was Wonshik doing this to him?  _

Hongbin doesn’t know how Wonshik had found him, but when he did, he stepped into his friend’s apartment with wet eyes and a sad expression. Tears had streamed down his cheeks recently and Hongbin felt his heart breaking as he stared at the man he was so very in love with still. But this was also the man who had given him so much pain...caused him such heartache that he knew he couldn’t stay with someone who did that to him. 

“Hongbin...baby, please, come home.” 

His voice was pitiful, broken, and Hongbin could tell that his friend was questioning whether Wonshik was this abusive asshole that Hongbin had told them about. 

“Please, come home. I’ll be better. I’ll be like I was, when we first got together. You loved me like that, didn’t you?” 

_ I never stopped loving you! _ , Hongbin wanted to say, but he couldn’t get the words out. He couldn’t because Wonshik was down on his knees, holding onto the hem of his shirt and begging pitifully. That’s what this was. Pitiful. 

“Come home with me?”

_ Hongbin lay still as Wonshik thrust into him again and again and again. His body had stopped hurting long ago. To keep himself conscious, to keep himself coherent, he had dug his nails into the palm of his hands, to keep himself  _ **_there_ ** _ even though every bit of him had wanted to escape.  _

_ He knew that fighting would get him nowhere, so he doesn’t even try anymore.  _

_ He’s not sure when the first time that this happened even was anymore, nor was he sure how many times had passed in between then and this time where Wonshik was pulling his hips up and thrusting into his torn entrance with ease that you’d have thought that Hongbin had been wet like a bitch or something. The way that he could so easily thrust into him, take from him pleasure that Hognbin had once so willingly given to him. Now, as he lay immobile, it wasn’t out of desire to give to the man he loved, but out of fear of him.  _

“I won’t. I want to be far from you.” 

Hongbin couldn’t help how he flinched back multiple steps when Wonshik rose from the floor, looking ever so threatening just by  _ being _ there. He wanted to be a thousand miles from him and he would continue to go if no where in Korea was safe for him to be. He had a passport, he could find passage elsewhere. 

“I want you to come home.” 

His voice was soft, but there was something in the tone that was not. It made Hongbin shudder and he shook his head. He wanted to pull away and hide from it. He wanted to be away from the way that Wonshik could stare him down and make him feel small and afraid all over again. 

“I won’t.” 

_ Hongbin laughed loudly, without fear, unknowingly the last time he would feel the right to. Wonshik was doing something, or saying something, nowadays Hongbin didn’t even remember entirely what it was. He just remembered seeing that bright smile on the man’s face and the way he was trying to beckon the same out of Hongbin and he always succeeded.  _

_ He remembered how it had started with a glass of wine tumbling to the floor, the deep red color staining the lighter colored carpet. He remembered the absence of laughter from that point. He had cursed and jumped from his perch on the counter to grab a towel and start dabbing at it.  _

_ He remembered how it had led to a fight. He remembered how it led to Wonshik raising his hand and nearly drew it down across him. He remembered Wonshik demanding that he get the stain out or he’d regret it. He remembered the fear he’d felt in that moment. He remembered how…  _

A thousand miles away wasn’t going to be far enough, so he’d keep going. 

 


End file.
